menstruate: red white and blue are the colors of freedom until they’re flashing in your rearview mirror
degrassholes: instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
sexhaver: what the fuck is the tooth fairy even doing with all those teeth
Normal teenager: sneaking out of the house at 1 AM
Me: sneaking out of my bedroom to get a bag of cheetos and making myself a sandwich at 1 AM
kyurem: It isn’t true love if he doesn’t carry you to the bathroom.
plot twist: he likes you back
wanglnciaga: so when ur famous do u just magically have great skin or
kenfucky: opening the fridge for the first time after someone went grocery shopping
harrypottersmum: I wish Professor McGonagall ended all her classes by snapping her fingers, saying “McGonagone” then strutting out.
goforitbabe: goforitbabe: I’m watching the proposal right now, and i just have to say when i get married, i hope that when i walk in wearing my dress that i look so god damn good that my fiance gets hard and has to try to cover it up in front of the whole church. k, that’s it. i’m not kidding. if he doesn’t suddenly have to cover the front of his pants when he first sees me in that...